he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she smelled like a LAN party
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
