I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
