I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
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So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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