Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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