capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
