If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
