Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize