Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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