He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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