Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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