even my farts smell like vagina
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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