I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
