whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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