Im at strip club and am horny
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
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