I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever