let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low