You're completely useless in the revolution.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is