she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
