i just wanna soil my oats bro
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it