There is no way he is gay with that hair.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
