Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
