Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
