She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
