i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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