There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
