12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
