so that wasnt chicken after all
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
