dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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