Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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