At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
