My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Alive.
So much puke
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Randomize
