It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
