Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
