Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
