I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
