she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
