margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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