so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
