The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
