she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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