True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
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I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize