I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
