Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
