If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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