Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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