nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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