Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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