I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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