i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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