I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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