lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
