A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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