I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
