Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
