when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
