That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
