my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
