she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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