babies were throwing up all over the place
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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