he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
