Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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