everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
