It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize