I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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