I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
